I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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