We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
