So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
