So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
