hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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