I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
