Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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