Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
