just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
And then he peed in my hair
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