I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
