so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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