I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
