i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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