try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
