She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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