so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
