Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
