i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
