Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just gift wrapped bread.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
