One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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