Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
