We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
