I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
