I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
