I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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