This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
