1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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