If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
