My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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