woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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