I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
