I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
