i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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