It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
