Walk of Shame. In a state park.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
