marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
