i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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