omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
