she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I need moral support for this bender
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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