His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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