So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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