My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
