I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
