update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
