and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
last night I used snow as a chaser
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
