I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
