He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
time to smoke my breakfast
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
