if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She's JV to your varsity
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
