I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
