What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
