guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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