you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
